The boys did well through the night and woke up around 6:45 to eat. They ate and then went back down for another hour. I took this time as an opportunity to pick up the house, get some laundry started and then shower. By the time I was done with my hair, the LPs were stirring. I got them ready for the day and we played until their next feed. While I was getting their bottles ready, Hilda, our cleaning lady, arrived. I'm so glad she came! My house was a disaster zone. It needed a scrubbing. Anyway, I fed the boys and packed them up to go to the chiropractor so that we would be out of Hilda's way.
We waited for about an hour at Tom and Autumn's before we were seen. Pierce got adjusted first, then Knox then mommy. Autumn even commented that she thought P's head looked better! Yay!!! When she adjusted Knox, she noticed his shoulder was tight and she loosened him up and got him back in alignment. I was next. I was out of wack more than usual and Autumn spent some time getting me straightened out.
Pman getting adjusted
While the boys were getting fixed up, Autumn and I were chit chatting. I told her that I was having a rough time some days feeling like I was a good mommy. That in all honesty, some days I feel like I am a terrible mom and that when I can't calm the boys down, I feel even worse. She assured me that I'm doing a good job and that it's ok not to love the job of mom everyday. That was music to my ears. It was reassuring to hear that I am not the only one with these feelings of inadequacy. She went on to tell me that when her son was small her mom told her, "Autumn, you don't have to love being a mom. What matters is that you love your children." It's so true! I love my kiddos more than anything in the world. No one can do anything to change that! I don't have to love my role as "mom" everyday and that's ok. It was what I needed to hear today. Have any of you mommies had days that made you question your sanity or days that you just don't really love being "mom"? I know I do.
It's almost as if the LPs knew I was doubting myself and my abilities today. When we got home, it was time to feed again. I choose to breastfeed them this time. They latched on and we snuggled and they ate. About 45 minutes later they were both coming off and seemed satisfied. As I attempted to move them to their cribs for a nap, they both went crazy on me. Screaming at the top of their lungs, nothing I did or said could console them. We rocked, we attempted to play, we gave gas medicine, we did baby massages, we sang, we danced, we walked, we laid down, we changed diapers, we read books. To no avail. Not one thing I did helped. I eventually was starting to loose it myself. I decided my best option was to let them cry it out. No baby has ever gotten hurt by crying right? Into their mama Roos they went. They eventually both fell asleep after and hour and a half of nothing but crying and tears. It...was...AWFUL. Talk about feeling like a crappy mom. I felt like the crappiest mom on the face of the earth. At the end of the day though, it bothers me more than it bothers them I suppose. Anyone else out there have a moment where you just had to walk away?
This was after crying for an hour and a half. Poor muffins.
I texted Nick. I needed words of encouragement. Not only were the boys in tears but so was momma. I needed to hear that it was going to be ok. Nick finally got back to me and suggested I walk away. Noted and already done. Glad we were on the same page.
Nick came home from work and it was time to put the LPs to bed. We did our nightly routine. Change diapers, Wombie, pray and eat. The boys went down without a fuss. I know they were exhausted.
After they ate, I ran to the grocery store. We had next to nothing in the house and needed food. Noel, my mother in law, is coming into town to see the nuggets and I want to have stuff to cook. Plus, there's nothing for Lena to eat either! Since it was so late by the time I was done, I swung into Taco Cababa and grabbed some fajita tacos for us to share.
Grammy made it! She hasn't seen them since Christmas and I'm sure she's excited to get to love on them for a while. She's going to hang out with Lena tomorrow. I can't wait to hear what Lena's secrets are - especially after a day like today.
Love these boys with my whole heart.
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