Jesus Calling

This was from my Jesus Calling devotional today. How many times have you felt broken? I can think of numerous times I have felt broken. Sometimes my brokenness was for petty things like I didn't get the grade I wanted and thought I deserved. Other times I felt broken because I didn't get picked until last in gym class, I didn't have a place to sit in the lunch room because I was the new kid in school, or I had gotten in a fight with my best friend and we were no longer talking. Other times, my brokenness has been for much more substantial reasons. My boyfriend and I had broken up. I was having self esteem issues and mistreating my body. I was struggling with my marriage. My first child had passed through me. I was having difficulty conceiving the child/children that my heart longed for.

These were all things that, no matter how hard I tried, and believe me I did, I could not overcome alone. The only way that I could make anything better was to grow closer to our Heavenly Father. I am by no means perfect and I learned this the hard way. The more I tried to do it on my own, the more clear it became that I was incapable of fixing my own brokenness.

I found that the more I prayed and the more that I asked for specific things, that is when my healing started. As a child, getting good grades was important to me. I found that just a prayer was not going to allow me to get the grades that I wanted. But if I applied myself and prayed about it, I was a force to be reckoned with. I prayed that I would make friends. I prayed, and I choose to be proactive and participate in school activities and you know what - I was picked during gym class and I made a lot of friends. When I was fighting with my best friend, I talked to my mom, and we prayed about it. My bestie and I always made up. When it came to my boyfriend, I prayed long and hard that our decision to break up was the right one to make. It was. I soon met my now husband who is the perfect man for me. When my self esteem was depleted, I tried with all of my might and I fought God to fix it myself. Once I relinquished control and gave it to God, my life became abundantly more than it had ever been. I finally realized that I truly am made in His image and I am here to lead others to Him. I still have my days, but now, instead of trying to improve things on my own, I pray about it. As I fixed my self esteem issues, I noticed that my marriage changed also. We were both so much happier. God works in mysterious ways. When we miscarried our first child, I was in a state of brokenness, hopelessness, and despair. In the past, I may have tried to "fix" everything myself. This time the only thought I had was to turn to The Lord. He surrounded with me with more love than I dreamed possible. As Nick and I continued our infertility road, the only thing that kept me going was Him. I began to divulge into scripture. I was no longer afraid to ask others to please pray for me. And I prayed my hardest prayer I have ever prayed. I prayed that if I was not meant to bear children, that God would take the desire away from my heart. That became my daily prayer as the struggle became more and more real. He heard my cries. He saw every tear that I shed. And through all of these things, the big, the small, the petty - He healed me. My brokenness became a oneness with Him.

When Nick and I were in the hospital and the reality that these babies may be born early was a true possibility, I prayed for them to stay in. I prayed for their safety if they were to be born, and I prayed for them to be my angels if God felt like they were to go to Heaven and be by His side. God has never failed me. I may not always get the answer that I want and am searching for, but no matter what, He has always answered my prayers.

My prayer is that as I am challenged by every day life, I continue to ask God to heal my brokenness and that I am intentional in what I ask for. I pray the same for each of you who reads this. God Bless each and every one of you

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad